Okay enough with the self bashing Mmg. You have a post to
complete and upload.
It’s exactly a week to the day that all men hate to love.
And if you thought it was traumatizing to the man who will have to do all the
impressing, you haven’t talked to that Fräulein who is recently dumped and has no idea whether she will
strike gold before that fateful day. ‘I’d rather die than spend Valentine’s Day
without a date’ is a common phrase by women not in a relationship around this
time but of course they never die. It becomes a perfect opportunity to visit
mum or that sick aunt. An emergency of sort just crops up and voila! The
embarrassment is avoided. Grow up
ladies-not-in-a-relationship-around-this-time; nobody has ever died for lacking
a Valentine’s Day plot. Of course the expenditure curve ranges from a simple
ice cream walk at Uhuru Park to a five course dinner at Sankara depending on
who oils your engine. Expensive chocolate bars and flowers complete this
transaction. It is an expensive affair to any man in any language. Love and
other vocabs will fill the air. Love and other vocabulary but especially love.
Before the cock crows the next morning, a lot of sinning will have taken place
to consolidate this love.
My facebook update clearly states where yours
truly will be spending his and with whom. Me I (not sic) like modesty. When it
comes to low budget indulgence on this day, the producers of the 1999 ‘The Blair witch Project’ have nothing on
me. Hehe. So I said this ↓
This is the month when dudes gon be
crossing oceans, climbing mountains, catching grenades, standing infront of
moving trains, taking that galactic trip to bring them the moon, siigghh! Me?
Me I'm lucky, I'll just stay home and watch some good a** horror movie. My
palmela is not very demanding. :-)
LikeUnlike · · February 3 at 2:13pm
via mobile
And some of my retarded friends interpreted this ↓
Carole wait till u meet paula!!!!
February
3 at 2:20pm ·
Michael
Hehehehe....you won't be taking Miss Right nee Hand out
on the material day?
February
3 at 2:21pm ·
Mwangi Gituro Carole you are losing me for real. Paula??
February
3 at 2:22pm ·
Mwangi Gituro @mikeman. No. She's an indoor kinda girl. All she asks for
is a good manicure and some nice lotion to keep her soft and voila, she's good
to go.
February
3 at 2:26pm ·
Carole ma rhymes ma lines
February
3 at 2:30pm ·
Owen February should be scrapped off from the calender. Lucky you
ar indeed, najua kuna wadhii who are very busy budgeting their meagre finances.
February is another January!!
February
3 at 2:36pm ·
Benard Lucky you.this is the time i know the difference btn lillies
n roses
Saturday
at 3:42pm ·
Dan Stick to the man to hand relationship! But from what I saw
today, you ain't too lucky a dude.
Saturday
at 8:53pm ·
#ShakinMyHeadContinously
I won’t leave this topic without a word of
advice to wives and long term girlfriends; your husbands/long-term boyfriends
will not be working late that fateful evening. They won’t be having challenges
with systems at work. Please don’t take that as an excuse for another botched
up valentine date *I know. You will thank me later*. So much drama goes down on
this day. All in the name of love…
And keeping to the subject of love, love was
clearly in the air at an undisclosed location in Karen.
Two of my friends walked each other down the aisle and took that life defining vow. They promised to love and to behold, (why don’t ladies promise to obey nowadays?). It was a long walk to this one with plans having started way in September. The stag party? Let’s talk about the stag party…ok would have given graphic details but my blog is not marked for adult contents. I’m also friends with wives and fiancées/girlfriends of the other culprits; you know. Let’s just say that we boys always look forward to this as the hallmark of a wedding. A whole night with girls we’ve never met doing what their mothers wouldn’t approve of. Icecream I will insist here should move from cup to mouth. Any other procedures of getting it to the mouth are *siiiiiiiiiiigh* disturbing. It was a demanding night that. My demand was way past that given to my boys until I realized that it was the suit that was acting as a chick magnet. I know, I know, you are asking yourself “and who goes to a stag bash in a suit pfft.” Pfftt! Yourself. I’m I allowed to defend myself? No? Ok.
Two of my friends walked each other down the aisle and took that life defining vow. They promised to love and to behold, (why don’t ladies promise to obey nowadays?). It was a long walk to this one with plans having started way in September. The stag party? Let’s talk about the stag party…ok would have given graphic details but my blog is not marked for adult contents. I’m also friends with wives and fiancées/girlfriends of the other culprits; you know. Let’s just say that we boys always look forward to this as the hallmark of a wedding. A whole night with girls we’ve never met doing what their mothers wouldn’t approve of. Icecream I will insist here should move from cup to mouth. Any other procedures of getting it to the mouth are *siiiiiiiiiiigh* disturbing. It was a demanding night that. My demand was way past that given to my boys until I realized that it was the suit that was acting as a chick magnet. I know, I know, you are asking yourself “and who goes to a stag bash in a suit pfft.” Pfftt! Yourself. I’m I allowed to defend myself? No? Ok.
Girls be naaaughty those. They did stuff that
are not documented in our constitution. Stuff that the mayor of this city might
want documented somewhere but the city clerk thinks the mayor is a faithful and
devoted Christian who loves the Lord and goes to church every Sunday. Trust the
clerk to know what the mayor wants for this beautiful city in the dark. I
digress…
All in all, our boy had a good time and so
did the rest of us. Good thing my boys know how to behave. Those who are
married kept flashing their rings to the girls just to let them know the
boundaries to keep. Those with fiancées/girlfriends did the same. They asked
the girls to keep their distance. *I know. I will make a good diplomat when
that time comes. Talk of violating the ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’
code of conduct*. And can someone tell me why I can’t call those girls ‘hoes’?
They kept snapping at me that they are not hoes whenever I used the word on
them. Pray, what is the difference between what they do there and that which is
done on the famous street connecting University way and Kenyatta Avenue?
Someone?... Anyone? They tried to explain but that was so…↓
That and a swim on Friday afternoon completed the treat for the groom to be. My butterfly stroke is still something to write home about despite the long absence from the waters. My breath control? That I have to seriously work on. Saturday came and we had a wonderful time. The girls (stay with me please, we are already past the stag party)… the bridesmaids looked gorgeous in purple and yellow. Yes purple and yellow. And the groomsmen looked neat. My only beef ‘bout the whole ceremony is on people who are given an inch and take a mile. Me think when the person inviting says I give you a minute or two to say a word or two, the invited gets ‘I give you an hour or two to narrate your life story or read two autobiographies back to back.’ Some guests can really talk. The evening party? Simple and elegant. Danced the night away with one lovely missus. Would have been even lovelier if my official plus one had made it to the evening bash.Congratulations to my boy Lex and your sweet heart on your new walk of life.
And while the newlyweds and their entourage
were dancing the night away at an undisclosed location, a beautiful London team
was unscrewing some bolts After 7 rounds of ammunition attack, #Bolton became #Boltoff.
7-1 was a decent scoreline and a hat trick for one Robin Vantastic was well
deserved. It was only last week when I had ranted and pulled hairs on how we
are inconsistent. I will not even start blowing the trumpet louder after this
success. ‘Tis Arsenal we are talking about here. One second we are on cloud
nine and in the next we are shoveling coal with the devil in hell.
And talking of the devil, Sunday night was a
bad night at the bridge. The FA is yet to explain why they allow one team to
have twelve players in the pitch. ↓
3-0 was the scoreline at some point and
everyone was beginning to think the geezers had finally gotten their groove
back. Exit self respect and a shameless attack checks in on one Howard Webb.
Two penalties are awarded almost back to back. The rest will not be history. And
we thought African refs are poor at officiating fairly. Of course as agreed in the locker room before kickoff, all sir Alex
had to do after the favour was ↓
BZ71QJ582
Confirmed.
Eur 1,000,000 sent to
HOWARD WEBB 44722405726
on 5/2/12 at 20:00 PM
New M-PESA balance is Eur 666.00
Eur 1,000,000 sent to
HOWARD WEBB 44722405726
on 5/2/12 at 20:00 PM
New M-PESA balance is Eur 666.00
Having said that, it was a fair result for us the gunners. We can’t stand Man U taking the title again. Man C are the better devil. Again we are fighting for position 3/4 with our London brothers so 3 points for Chelsea would not have augured well with our ambition. Everyone took home something. Everyone except the blues.
By a show of hand, who saw the power score
from that Senegalese kid Cisse for Newcastle? Five words: That boy is going
places…
Question:
Who Sips Captain Morgan and watches Puss in boots for the third time on a
Monday morning INVOLUNTARILY? 
Answer: Me… eeee… and Naz. Naz made me do it.
Derailment major.
I was to run some errands whole of Monday but
found myself still in Buru getting some military tips from Captain Morgan. Meanwhile,
Antonio Banderas was busy wooing Salma Hayek (Know her? That Mexican goddess
with a voice and accent to die for?) in the Shrek spin-off prequel Puss in Boots. If I had Salma’s voice and
accent, I would lock myself in a room, sit at a corner and listen to myself the
whole day. *that’s me thinking out loud*…
And if you were duped into buying that stone-age romantic tale of Pussy in Boots, please don’t go around claiming you have watched Puss in Boots. Because of why?? Because you HAVEN’T! Let me give you a hint on how to differentiate the two: the new Pussy has no Y in it. *hey! Hey! Don’t even think of taking your mind there.* I’m a devoted Christian for Christ’s sake! A Romantic Catholic to be precise.
And if you were duped into buying that stone-age romantic tale of Pussy in Boots, please don’t go around claiming you have watched Puss in Boots. Because of why?? Because you HAVEN’T! Let me give you a hint on how to differentiate the two: the new Pussy has no Y in it. *hey! Hey! Don’t even think of taking your mind there.* I’m a devoted Christian for Christ’s sake! A Romantic Catholic to be precise.
That in a nutshell sums up my long weekend.
Of stag parties, weddings, the premier league, AFCON, ze Captain and Puss
(without a Y) but still in boots.
:-) 2CentsOnly.KeepChange™
Me think when the person inviting says I give you a minute or two to say a word or two, the invited gets ‘I give you an hour or two to narrate your life story or read two autobiographies back to back.’ Some guests can really talk.
ReplyDeleteYou guy, you got punchlines. and that was one hell of a weekend! Pity I have never been to a stag nite, invite me for the next one. I know a thing or two abt ice cream,,,,,
Dude you are crazy. I know you from high skool.
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