MY TWo CEnts PLus CHange: LOve, LEgends... ANd THe NYeri WIves AFfair

Unless the devil sends me a memo stating that hell has found another fury different from a woman scorned and Heaven finds a different rage that has nothing to do with love and hatred, I might be hesitant to cast my net into the Nyeri waters if what has been making rounds in the media and social networks is anything to go by.

That woman who decided to make a baseball ball (does that even sound right? A baseball ball.) anywho, that woman who decided to make a baseball out of her husband’s head must have had some pretty good reasons for her actions but why wait till he’s asleep? *Spot the difference *

Ladies, if you are planning to slice your husbands, at least do it when they are still awake. Preferably when they are getting into the house otherwise it would be wrong for a man to wake up in the morning dead only to realize he was macheted by his wife while asleep. And Nyeri men should think twice before deciding to sell family radios or getting drunk and going home.

All said and done, I feel for mothers with daughters who subscribe to the Nyeri tongue. It is going to be pretty difficult to market them *replace market with a word of your choice* to potential suitors after all the happenings there involving weapons of man destruction. The jokes in social networks have been both bigotrious (I know ;-) and high-larious at the same time. But the message amid all that violence should not be lost to us. Men need to style up and be responsible. No woman (save for psychotic female-canines )

would beat the hell out of her husband like that unless he has driven her patience to hell and back on several occasions. And if our kind of thinking is that men need organizations to protect their rights (pfft! what rights?), then we have lost our balls completely. We are the very reason why bodies have been created to fight for women and children rights because we are the ones who violate such rights. Rights bodies protect the minorities and the vulnerable. Men don’t fall in these two categories unless by choice. So MAWE and Maendeleo ya Wanaume *and any other pathetic joke formed along the same lines* pack up and go to hell. Device other ways of swindling donors but don’t use the pretense of men vulnerability. Ati Maendeleo ya Wanaume!! Man is for himself; tis only God who is for us all.

Away from happenings in the land of the third executive,

yesterday was a day dedicated to lovers.

I will not dwell on any lovey doveys *Monkey business and all*

but will go strait to LOVE and LEGEND. That was the theme at Black Diamond’s Karaoke night hosted by the ever lovely Regina Re. The idea was to celebrate love and honour the memory of the one and only Whitney Houston , and honour we did. I’ve always been a fun of WH ever since I knew what romantic music meant *hahaha guys, I know you are now drafting a complaint letter to the Dudemaster asking him to revoke my dude membership* Trust me on this, I was able to hit them Whitney notes semiPerfectly and most importantly without putting my sexual orientation into doubt *yes that disclaimer is imp-ortant sana* Niliweka 'her' where she says 'him' and 'woman' where she says 'man'. It's critical to note here that I would not find myself singing 'I'm every woman' even if under machete point by a Nyeri wife. If you doubt me on this, I’m willing to take beer bets on this any day, I Wanna Dance with Somebody, Greatest Love, One moment in Time, Could I have this kiss forever (duet), name it. Heck on a good day, I can even pull an 'I will Always Love You' with a success margin of 80%. Ok.. Ok.. It’s not like I’m trying to make a case for a Grammy here, I’m I?

The night was super legendary and Regina Re is most def’ the illest karaoke hostess North of the Kalahari .

How best to end the night than with a ‘Candle in the Wind’ all stars tribute to WH. Ok it ended up being Regina, me and some jungu guy. It was a night to die for and doing it just for WH was something. Of all the beautiful girls in Hollywood, I always maintained WH as my celebrity crush. There was something about her lyrics. Just like MJ, her songs were deep. She did not just express the shallow meaning of love as we know it but went ahead and did lyrics that spoke to the human heart.

She used her voice to both entertain and pass critical messages to humankind. These two aspects make these two stars MJ and WH the pop god and goddess of the 80s. Yet in their own little ways they were still human enough to make mistakes.

Who wouldn’t want that one moment in time when they could be more than they thought they could ever be. When all their dreams are just a heartbeat away and the answers are all up to them?

Haven’t we all come to know that there can be miracles when we believe and there is no loving others if you cannot bring yourself to love you? Just like MJ’s attempt to heal the world, didn’t she make us believe that the children are our future?

She was just looking forward to dancing with somebody who loved her when that moronic junkie perambulated into her life. If the Lord has already asked her what she did with her life, I believe her answer was that she spent it with us. If it had been up to us, we could have held onto her for a lifetime and given her that kiss forever but no, she had to go and be guided by the great Jehovah. By the time she decided to try living life on her own, the damage had already been done; she had already learnt to court with drugs from the best of users. The vocal mantle is now hopefully passed to Khristina B. Even though the cast is different, we hope to get the same script.